Please King!
by A Queen Among Women
Summary: Times when Zangetsu shows their less than mature sides that others know them for (In other words, times when Ichigo nearly has an aneurysm due to his Zanpakuto’s shenanigans) Cover Image created by lunatic moonchild on Tumblr.
1. Pleeeeeeeease King?

I have been writing short fanfics for a bit and I decided that I should start by posting a small one to get me started on here. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of the characters mentioned in this FanFiction. All rights being to the amazing Tite Kubo.

**_Speech Key:_**

**"Shiro talking"**

_"Ossan talking"_

"Ichigo talking"

—————————————————————————————

**"Please?"**

"No."

**"Pleeeeeease?"**

"No."

**Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?"**

"For the last time, NO!"

**"Come on King! Just one!"**

_"Shiro… Ichigo has made up his mind."_

**"But-"**

_"As disappointed as that makes me, we should respect his ultimate decision."_

"Ossan, you too?"

_"…"_

"Oh come on! I can't just get one! It's a huge decision! Not to mention the responsibility! I just finished laying the new floors too! I don't want any scratches on them! Plus the-"

**"We get it, King. You're not mature enough for a puppy. After all, you barely managed to take care of that da-"**

_"Language."_

**"Darn rabbit in a can while the Midget was out fighting baddies. You just suck in general."**

"Thanks Shiro. You really are the best mentally unstable Zanpakuto spirit a guy could ask for. I'm still not buying you a puppy."


	2. Totally Tubular

_I do not own nor make any profit off of Bleach. Those rights belong to Tite Kubo._

————ΘΦΘ————

_Speech Key:_

"Speaking Normal"

'Thinking Normal'

_"Ossan Speaking"_

**"Shiro Speaking"**

————ΘΦΘ————

_AAAAAEEEEOOOOOLLLMMMM_

_*twitch*_

_MMLLLLOOOEEEEEEAAAA_

_*twitch, twitch"_

_OOOOOAAAUUU, MMLUUUUUUAAAOOO, OOOOAAAEELLMM_

'Shiro…'

_MMLUUUUUUEEEAAAOOO_

'Shiiirooo…'

_AAAAAEEEEOOOOOLLLMMMM, MMLLLLOOOEEEEEEAAAA, OOOOOAAAUUUE-_

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Accompanied by a quick rise from his seat and a slam of his hands on the desk, Ichigo proclaimed this. His entire class turns to stare, along with his less than pleased professor.

"Mr. Kurosaki, if you know better than me about the intricate methods of molecular reconstruction of the respiratory system, then please, share your knowledge with the class."

All our hero could muster out was an incredibly intelligent "Umm… No Ma'am." as he awkwardly sat back down and ignored the stares if his peers.

A round of snickers erupt from a sideways skyscraper where two figures stood perched on the edge. One is holding a mysterious tube with a maniac grin and the other displaying clear agitation, as well as amusement at his wielder's predicament.

As Shiro began to tilt the tube again, a hand snatched the accursed thing from his grasp to which it gave a violently shaky groan. After snatching the evil neon yellow tube from the sadistic albino twin, Ossan threw it off the edge of the skyscraper. The tube gave it's final AAAAOOOOLLLOOOEEEEEMUUUEEEEAAAOOOLLL all the way down into the abyss, never to be seen or heard again. Satisfied with his solution to the problem, he defied gravity as he walked up his flagpole to rest on his favorite perch and ignore the indignant whining of his other half.


	3. Balance Master

_Rights to Bleach belong to Tite Kubo. I do not make any money off of this._

_Sorry for the bit of a wait! I had a huge presentation to get the greenlight for my project, which I got! I'll try to get another one out soon to make up for the lack. If you have any requests for shenanigans let me know and I'll see what I can do! Without further ado, please enjoy this chapter!_

————ΘΦΘ————

Speech Key:

"Speaking Normal"

'Thinking Normal'

_"Ossan Speaking"_

**"Shiro Speaking"**

————ΘΦΘ————

Ichigo walked in to his apartment and toed off his shoes in the entrance. "Tidaima" he absently called into the empty apartment as he threw down his book-bag filled with heavy texts. As he walked out of the entrance and into the living space, he stopped by the record player and put on Billie Joel's Piano Man as per Ossan's request (and to thank him for stopping that blasted groaning nightmare).

It wasn't his absolute favorite song, and Shiro hated it, but Ossan thoroughly enjoyed it. He would often stand atop his flagpole and gaze off into the distance watching the puffy white clouds, and the song gave him an added sense of peace. If it made him happy, then it as worth listening to Shiro whine that he would rather listen to the Disturbed or AC/DC. Shiro would get his music later after they tried to beat each other black and blue once he finished studying.

————ΘΦΘ————

Later on after a simple beef yakisoba dinner, a shower and studying, Ichigo got into bed and slipped into his inner world. His entrance was met with a face full of metal that he just barely managed to block with his trench knife. The albino's laughter that followed earned an eye roll in response.

**"Yer getting' dull Kingy! All that learnin about how to put people back together is slowing yer skills in takin em apart!"** Shiro taunted while hefting his large blade onto his shoulder with natural ease.

"Tch. I'm gonna show you who's dull!"

The two collided in a deadlock, Ichigo with his smaller blade and Shiro with his large one. After a small struggle for dominance, Ichigo began to gain the upper hand. Noticing Shiro switching his previously balanced strength to his right arm, he only had a second's warning before nearly tasting the steel of Shiro's trench blade. Not having the time or space to grab his khyber knife from his back, Ichigo pushes off and ends the stalemate first, leaping a good distance back.

As Shiro launches towards Ichigo with a war cry/laugh, Ossan gazes on from his perch. He notices a flaw in his wielder's footing and a minor roll of his shoulders in response to a particularly brutal clash. A sigh slips past his lips before they quirked into a mall smile before he couldn't hold back anymore. _"You truly are losing your skill Ichigo. Perhaps you should spend less time lazing around and more time training. It must be a hassle for Shiro to clean up all of the rust you've been shaking off here lately."_

"Oi! I am not-"

_*WHAM* _That distraction costed Ichigo a nasty smack from Shiro's khyber blade being swung like a baseball bat towards the offended berry's head. Doing his best impression of a roly poly, Ichigo was sent careening up the skyscraper and into Ossan's favorite pole.

"Itai itai itai itai itai itai!!" He complained while caressing his sore head, ruffling his orange locks in the process. Ossan chuckled, earning himself a kicked puppy look from the kerfuffled young man .

After a moment of sulking, Ichigo finally broke the comfortable silence that had settled over the inseparable partners.

"How?"

_"Hmm?"_ Ossan inquired while Shiro tilted his head like a curious puppy.

Ichigo blinked and scratched the back of his head.

"How do you stand on there like that and never fall off? I mean your feet must hurt after standing there like that for so long."

Shiro began to snicker while Ossan just stared blankly.

"I mean, you're always perched there whenever I come in here. I swear you defy gravity and walk up the side sometimes! It's like you defy all logic!"

_"What? I-"_ Ossan tried, but Ichigo was on a roll.

"Surely you practiced a lot to get that good! Do you have a training regimen or something? Or did you just fall a lot? Is that why you wear glasses? They're like safety goggles…"

_"What in the three realms are you bumbling on about?"_

"The flagpole! You are way too good at standing… On it. How many times have you fallen off? You had 15 years to practice before I got access to my powers after all! Is that all you did in that time? Man you must have a sore butt if you fell on it a lot!"

The visual that this presented had Ichigo snickering. In response, Ossan whacked him over the head and mumbled multiple threats that he will surely enact at a later date. In the distance, Shiro was rolling on the concrete skyscraper howling in laughter that most would categorize as unstable. Whether he was imagining the hilarious scenarios of a certain Old Man falling off of a pole, or reminiscing on true previous pole related happenings, we will never know.


	4. Little Blessings

_Rights to Bleach belong to Tite Kubo. I do not make any money off of this._

_I hope everyone is staying safe! Hopefully this chapter will help to keep you entertained for a minute or two while stuck in quarantine! COVID-19 is not a joke, so please stay in, if not for you then for those with compromised immune systems. Hopefully this makes you smile a bit despite the seriousness going on! Let me know what you think if you so desire~!_

————ΘΦΘ————

Speech Key:

"Speaking Normal"

'Thinking Normal'

_"Ossan Speaking"_

**"Shiro Speaking"**

————ΘΦΘ————

Ichigo sat at his desk in his room, tapping his pencil to a beat only three entities were privileged to knowing.

**"Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing…"**

Sigh. Ichigo new it had been too quiet lately.

"Yes Shiro?"

**"Can we get a dog?"**

Sigh. "No."

**"Please?"**

"No Shiro. We already had his conversation."

**"No we didn't."**

"Yes, we did. Like, three weeks ago."

**"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo, we didn't!"**

"Don't argue with me on this. Not after all the stuff you've been pulling here lately."

**"I mean, you are making us sit still in classes that you don't even have to do mandatorily."**

_"You used a big word. I'm proud of you, Shiro."_

A snort filled the empty room. "Do you even know what that means?"

**"Yah! Unfortunately I do because of those stupid lessons of yours! You stupid fu-"**

_"SHIRO Language!!"_

**"-nky butt muncher!"**

A pencil dropping could be heard along with gut clenching laughter.

**"You really think so little of me, don't you, Ossan?"**

_*Disgruntled Ossan Noises*_

THUD "I-ITAI!" Our favorite strawberry gasped out between laughing from his new home on the floor.

"Oh my gosh Shiro. Are you in preschool?"

**"… no. I just want a dog."**

Frustrated Strawberry Noises*

Sigh. "Shiro. I already told you no. A puppy would be too much work and disrupt the fragile schedule I already have. With the nighttime patrols and-"

**"I didn't ask for a puppy!"**

"… what? If you are trying to make me feel like I need to wear a white coat, please keep on."

_"Shiro's asinine tantrums are making you consider taking on a captain's position? Not that I'm upset, but I thought you were waiting until you were no longer attached to this realm._

"No Ossan. I was considering checking myself into an Insane Asylum." Ichigo sighs and sits his chair upright and brushes it off. "Saying I have two voices in my head constantly flying at me with swords in a sideways city would work wonders for that. Not to mention when I tell them that a butterfly man tried to take over the world until he was beaten by me and then the government magically duck taped him to a chair before shoving him into a labyrinthine prison." Ichigo shook his head while sitting back up on his chair. "And then an army of angry archers hiding in the shadow realm- OOF!"

CRASH*

Only to be reacquainted with his beloved floorboards and a broken chair leg whacking him upside the head. A moment of silence follows.

**"I asked for a dog."**

"Really? I just got assaulted by a chair, and you go right back to that. You're supposed to support me!"

**"Like your chair was supposed to do?"**

Ossan chuckles _"He has a point, Ichigo."_

"Ossan!?"

Betrayed Strawberry Noises*

**"Statistically, a dog is not a puppy. There are tons of strays and pup- dogs in shelters. You could be a hero!"**

"I already am one!"

**"Yah, but one that matters."**

"Why you!"

_"Ichigo does not want a canine of any age, Shiro, and I for one agree."_

"Thank you Ossan!"

**"Traitor!"**

_"I am partial to cats though."_

"…"

**"…"**

_"…"_

** "Go bug the werecat if you want a feisty feline. Dogs are superior."**

_"I disagree. Cats are independent as well as dignified creatures. If you want a rash, overly large canine go bother Komamura-taicho. I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige."_

**"He's a fox!"**

"Actually he's a wolf. We talk sometimes if I'm in the Seireitei while he's walking his dog."

**"…"**

_"…"_

**"Huh, the more you know."**

_"I still think a cat would greatly benefit you Ichigo. I saw a few strays on our way home yesterday we could pick up. I'm sure I could provide you with all of the information that you would require. Cats are low maintenance and like high places. They-"_

**"Are basically you? Is that why you have an obsession with flagpoles?"**

Sounds of swords unsheathing and a yelp from Shiro were the last things that Ichigo heard from the tenants of his inner world for the rest of the night. Alone once more, he lets out a round of soft, fond chuckles. He padded over to his dresser as he shakes his head to change into his pajamas. He flicks off the lights with a click, gets in bed and closes his eyes with a smile. He goes to sleep to the peaceful sounds of falling rain, counting his blessings with the top two being his rowdy soulmates.


	5. Cute But Creepy

_Rights to Bleach belong to Tite Kubo. I do not make any money off of this._

_Your reviews make me smile so much~! I love that I have the ability to make someone's day just a little bit better. Hopefully this makes you smile a bit despite the seriousness going on and let me know what you thought of it! Feel free to ask for situations or any requests you have. I may not get to them immediately, but I will try to take them and do them justice if I think I can do it decently! Have a good read, I hope you get as much enjoy out of reading it as I did writing it!_

————ΘΦΘ————

Speech Key:

"Speaking Normal"

'Thinking Normal'

_"Ossan Speaking"_

**"Shiro Speaking"**

————ΘΦΘ————

**"Aaawww he's kinda cute."**

_"I highly disagree."_

**"Get down here you big putty tat. Peter and I are having a good conversation. He's rather nice."**

Ossan's lips quirked up on the right side slightly before ducking behind his collar to hide the (refused) smile. _"… Is Parker-kun aware his fly is stuck?"_

Shiro throws back his head and howls in laughter, which is infected with a tad of his usual mania. **"We were just talking about his favorite sites on the web. He's actually a web designer!" **

Ichigo, fearing for what his soulmates are talking about, takes a risk and peaks into his inner world. He can't decide if he should be concerned or not. 'Shiro…?'

**"Yeeeeees?"**

"… Why are you caterpillar crawling around on the side of the building?"

**"I made a new friend. Now stop bugging us."**

_"Pfft *cough* *cough* pfft*". _

'Ooooookay then… Now I'm definitely concerned. Hold on, I'm coming in.'

Calming down from a round of chuckles, Ossan assured his wielder of their safety and his own mental credibility (because Shiro is already a lost cause).

'If you're sure Ossan….'

_"Go back to your date Ichigo. We are fine."_

'It's not a date! It's just a picnic!'

More chuckles from both inner spirits as Ichigo's attention fades from his inner world.

**"It's totally a date."**

_"Agreed."_

Silence.

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!****¡!¡!"**

_"What's wrong?"_

**"IT'S GONE!!!"**

_Sigh "What's gone?"_

**"IT!!!"**

Ossan sighed again and planted his foot firmly in the albino's panicked face. _"Explain to me why exactly you are climbing up my flag pole."_

**"Move over old man. I'm comin' up."**

_"No."_

**"THERE'S A SPIDER ON THE LOOSE DOWN HERE!!! HELP A BROTHER OUT!?"**

_"You lost it…? I thought you said you had it handled."_

**"I DID! NOW ARE YOU GONNA LEAVE ME HANGING HERE, CLINGING LIKE A MONKEY FOR MY LIFE?! OR ARE YOU GONNA SCOOT YOUR ANGSTY TUSH OVER AND LET ME UP!? SHARING IS CARING!!"**

_"I don't care."_

**"Wow man. Harsh. Totally not fair." **

_"Life isn't fair."_

**"Move over."**

_"I refuse to share my flag pole with you, you man child. However, I will keep an eye out for your clingy friend from up here."_

**"You're scared of spiders, aren't you?"**

_"I refuse to dignify that outlandish statement with a response."_

**"You totally are!"**

_"Let us go find this little creature and end this meaningless charade."_

———Some Time Later———

ffft ffft ffft ffft ffft ffft ffft ffft ffft ffft ffft*

Ossan stood vigilant with his bow in a crouched warrior's position. Followed shortly by Shiro diving over their makeshift cover.

WAHBOOSH WAHBOOSH WAHBOOSH WAHBOOSH WAHBOOSH WAHBOOSH*

**"We can't keep this up forever. Somethin' 'as to give."**

_"I know. We need to end this. Our reconnaissance ended in nothing, a blind siege of the immediate and surrounding area of disappearance failed, and we can't do a coordinated attack without proper intel. We need more information, but there are only two of us and no backup can come to our aid here…"_ Ossan whispered while looking around the city which now looked like a war zone. _"We need to move. We have been stagnant for too long. Shiro, go out the left. I'll take up the rear. And even though I will be behind you, watch your back, the enemy is elusive and has the size advantage. It could be anywhere."_

A grunt and a nod were his only response.

Quick and efficient, the two set off, sticking to shaded walls and other forms of cover. They were silent; communication was restricted to hand signals, footfalls inaudible from rolling on the outer parts of the foot to negate sounds, swords put away snugly, and clothing kept taunted in efforts to prevent them from rustling. The only sounds in the sideways city were the crackling of fires and the occasional falling debris in the distance. A large slab of concrete came crashing down in front of the two zanpakuto spirits from one of the above skyscrapers, startling them back a few paces. They looked to one another, silently communicating their concerns. Nodding, Shiro takes the lead once more. They are about to round the next corner when-

'What are you doing?'

The two spirits jumped a foot in the air at the sound of a very confused Shinigami Substitute.

'Why do I have a headache when you haven't even spoken in like, an hour?'

**"Well… it's gone."** Shiro stage whispered.

'What's gone?'

_"… Peter."_

'Peter???'

**"HeWhoShallNotBeNamed escaped."**

'What?' Ichigo pinched his nose, rubbing the bridge attempting to alleviate the migraine beginning to form from his inner world being trashed. 'I'm at the end of my wits with you two. What. Happened. Here?'

_"There was a spider."_

'Was?'

**"Was. Poof. Gone."**

'Spiders don't just disappear. In fact they don't just appear either.' The spirits could hear deep seated amusement in his voice at their oversight.

**"WHERE DID IT COME FROM?! WHERE DID IT GO?!"**

'I feel like there should be a joke about Cotton Eye Joe…'

_"Ichigo, now is not the time for childish jokes. We are in a serious predicament. An arachnid infiltrated our inner realm and is nowhere in sight."_

'Does that really warrant this much chaos though?'

**"You don't get it! That thing was creepy! And now its roaming free! Who knows what horrible things it has planned!"**

Ossan nodded sagely behind the albino in support of his statement.

'Alright, alright. Have fun hunting for the mysterious "spider." I'm sure it isn't hiding in a building waiting for you to give up so it can crawl in you mouth while you sleep or bite you with some form of weird skin altering venom.'

With that, Ichigo let his presence slip from his inner world, leaving behind two very much paranoid spirits with newly acquired vigor to hunt the conniving eight legged abomination.

———With Ichigo In The Real World———

Ichigo laughed. Hard.

His not-date turned to him. "What's so funny, Ichigo?"

He chuckled and looked down to a rubber spider in his hand. "You know? Spiders aren't scary."

His _totally-not-date_ turned their head in question.

"What's scary is when they disappear."

————ΘΦΘ————

**HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!**


	6. Colorful Personalities

_Rights to Bleach belong to Tite Kubo. I do not make any money off of this. Also, Ossan's flashback in this is a line of his from the series._

_You guys are awesome! I'm so glad Cute But Creepy (chapter 5) went over so well! _ Your comments make me smile and give me the courage to continue putting my heart and soul out here for you to read. _

_Also! LB1324 thank you for the situation request! I had an idea for one and thought that your idea would go along swimmingly with the setup! I hope I did it some justice here, let me know what you thought! Everyone stay safe and try to have some fun in your homes!_

_Also, this fic inspired me to write a one-shot based as some background on one of Ichigo's passions mentioned here. Check out Strings of Remembrance after this chapter if you want some more context!_

————ΘΦΘ————

Speech Key:

"Speaking Normal"

'Thinking Normal'

_'Flashback'_

_"Ossan Speaking"_

**"Shiro Speaking"**

————ΘΦΘ————

"…"

"Ossan?"

_"Hmm?"_

"Aren't you going to stop him?"

_"Nope."_

"… why not?"

_"I've given up trying. Besides, its kind of amusing. If he's trying yoga, he's failing spectacularly."_

Sigh. Ichigo pinches his nose and begins massaging the increasing number of frown lines forming on his forehead. "Can you try again? For my sanity's sake?"

_Sigh. "SHIRO!"_

**"What!?"**

_"Why are you crawling around on buildings?"_

**"There are things in there!"**

"Wait, what kind of things?" Ichigo asked as he walked over. Shiro was bent over in a downward dog pose looking in the window of a building. The esteemed strawberry crouched down and looked into the window, with his hands cupped around his face, along side his albino twin.

After a moment, Ossan walked up behind the two and raised his brow. Curiously, he leaned over and peeked into the window over Ichigo's shoulder.

"What's that in there?"

Shiro grinned widely. **"Let's find out!"** He yelled as he used his khyber blade to bash open the side of the building. Glass flew everywhere.

_"SHIRO!!"_ "SHIRO!!"

Both of the saner members of the soul turned around and braced themselves as a rush of air and shards of glass flew out in a spray of chaos. Shiro's cackling could be heard over the roar of the offended building, belching out air and debris in one last act of retaliation before revealing it's hidden treasures.

**"Woah"**

"What? How? How long has this been here?"

_"Wow…"_

The room was a huge old fashioned dojo. There were bamboo walls, interlocking tatami mat flooring, sliding paper doors painted with images of their glorious battles, along with the Shiba and Quincy symbols featured frequently throughout the illustrious scenes.

Along the walls were various wall scrolls displaying the family names to pay homage to the King's roots. Weapon racks filled with hundreds of melee weapons lined the outer frame. An inner area was sectioned off by a step-down to the middle of the room, clearly set aside for sparring purposes.

**"Just woah"**

_"My sentiments exactly."_

"What else is in these buildings…?"

**"Let's find out!"** Shiro cackled like mad as he leapt out of the dojo back onto the glass of the skyscraper. Leaping to another building, he began bashing in the windows at, what seemed to be, random ado.

Ichigo sighed at his zanpakuto's antics, well used to the unnecessary chaos he seemed to marvel in. Looking to Ossan, they departed to follow the battle crazed spirit, albeit at a more subdued pace.

———After Following Shiro For A While———

So far, the hunt for interesting rooms revealed many new things for them to do. The most interesting things that they have found are an arcade, a bar (which Ossan had to drag Shiro away from, but not without looking back at the mahogany bar for himself), a heated swimming pool (with a spa on the next floor!), and even an entire mall! But that's not what holds the trio's attention currently. No, that privilege belongs to the room in front of them right now.

**"Is this…"**

_"An art studio."_

Ichigo scratched the back of his head. "Looks like it." After shrugging, he turned back towards the way that they came. "I'm gonna head back towards that dojo and see what I can find. You both can stay here and keep checking out more rooms."

**"King, we know you want to go back to that theatre."**

Ichigo flushed the color if his ~berry sweet~ namesake.

_"Never be ashamed of your talents, Ichigo. Your skill with the violin is well earned through your hard work and is a leftover memory from your time spent with your mother. Be proud."_

With a sheepish smile and nod towards his spirits, the hero shunpoed off towards his destination. The two spirits smiled at their wielder's unexpected (by others' standards) passion.

** "Aren't art studios supposed to be… I don't know, _artsy_?"** Shiro asked as he walked into the building. He picked up a white/silver can and tossed it up in the air repeatedly.

The room is white. White walls, white floors, white lights, white canvases, white- well, you get the idea.

_"Reminds me of someone I know."_ Ossan tilted his head with a smirk.

**"Oh you wanna go Old Man?"** Shiro growled as he reached for the longer of his blades. However, he stopped short of grabbing it before smirking deviously. Changing the course of his hand to the trench knife on his black obi, he slammed the butt of it into the can's lid and threw the can at Ossan.

An indignant squeal (Ossan will forever vehemently deny ever making such a high pitch noise) tears its way through said Old Man's lips. Why? Because he is now splattered in neon orange paint.

Insane cackles permeate the air in bounds of colorful madness.

_*Twitch… Twitch…*_

_"Shiro…"_

_*Shhhhhhiiiiiiiink!*_

Ossan draws his blade and slices at Shiro…

_*SSSHHHRIIPLAAAT*_

Only for Shiro to dodge and the blade to pass through a multitude of paints.

**"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa-*_wheeze_*HAHAHAHAHAHHA*_wheeze_*HAAAAAAA! OH _*gasp* _ MY _*gasp*_ GOSH! You look _*wheeze*_ like a Jackson _*gasp*_ Polluck painting!"**

Ossan growled, as he looked down at his ruined cloak. He truly looked like one of those abstract rainbow paintings. His blade seemed as if it has taken a dunk in tie dye. And what's worse? The infuriating albino was pristine. His lips quirked, that had to be fixed.

Sheathing his blade, Ossan surveys his surroundings. Hundreds of paint cans lined the shelves, all without labels (or if they had them, he didn't care at the time). He quickly whipped out a bow, and took aim. The bleached spirit ducked to avoid the barrage of arrows, but that was all to Ossan's plan. After all, he is a true marksman, and he never misses his target. The shelves came tumbling down. And with his arrows having pierced through each of the paint cans, well, like a line he heard from one of Karin's games: _Justice Rains From Above._

**"NOooOoOoOOoOOOoOOoOOOOooOOoOO! My porcelain skin! My white clothes! Do you have any idea how much Bleach I'll need to get this out!? We haven't even found a laundry mat yet!"**

_"Don't dish it out if you can't take it."_

Shiro reached over to a drawer and pulled out a pair of paint brushes.

**"It's on, you Old Coot!"**

Ossan dismissed his bow and did the same.

_"Don't go crying to Ichigo when you become a living tie dyed shirt for the rest of eternity!"_

They each dipped their brushes in a couple of the paint cans laying around…

**"Heh, King won't even recognize you when I'm done. In fact, I think Van Gogh will be proud!"**

_*WHOOSH*_

And then they both took off.

_*SPLAT*_

This? This was war.

Ossan dodged a feint right hook and deftly blocked the left low jab aiming for his sternum. He swiftly retaliated with his own brush, flinging a glob of blue paint at the (previously) white doppelgänger of this world's king. After splattering the azure paint all over his opponent, Ossan readied his other brush to do the same, but was interrupted by a surprise tactic from the other.

Shiro began to sling his brush around on a string, helicoptering it like he would his blade. Bright yellow paint flung everywhere, polka dotting all of his surroundings, including Ossan. Cackling, he reeled in his brush and began to prepare the other side for the same treatment.

Ossan darted away from the crazed spirit and ran into a bin. Before sprinting off, he noticed it was filled with tubes. Grinning to himself, the Quincy grabbed a bunch of them and dove for cover behind a standing shelf. He managed to avoid most of the wild spray in time, but his left leg and right foot weren't so lucky, now sporting neon purple dots. As he came up from his roll, he bit the caps off of the tubes. Peaking from behind his shelter, he surveyed the area. Shiro stalked over to a row of paint cans and began reloading. Perfect. Ossan darted out from the shelf and _squeezed_.

In a matter of seconds, Shiro was coated in goopy strands of pastel colored paints. Snickering, Ossan threw the empty-ish tubes to the side and prepared to grab some more. When Shiro began to prepare for another Hail Mary, this time flinging both of his brushes at once, Ossan changed course. The mush of paint that came flying at him made for a difficult time dodging. Yet dodge he did…

_*Crash – Poof!*_

Right into a shelf of glitter.

**"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HOLY *_gasp*_ COW YOU LOOK *_gasp_* LIKE ****Α DISCO BALL! *huff* Or a Fairy God Mother! *gasp* GAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

Shiro hit the ground, clutching his sides and laughing at the Old Man.

_"Says the *pfft* one who looks *ack* one who looks like they got into a fight *bleufh* with an Easter egg and lost."_ A bit of Ossan's taunt was lost to choking on glitter, but it's the thought that counts!

… Right?

As Shiro made to dive at Ossan with some glow in the dark, neon yellow paint, he was interrupted by a noise coming from the impromptu entrance of the art studio. Whipping around towards the source of the noise, Shiro dropped the paint onto his own head in the process.

**"Oh come on!"** Shiro whined out at the accident.

Standing in the entrance was Ichigo. The orangette being clean and thoroughly confused.

**"…"**

_"…"_

Shiro glanced at Ossan as Ossan did the same to him.

**"He started it."**

_"Blasphemy. Your claims are unfounded."_

"Riiiiiiiiight. I'm gonna head back to the theater now…"

It was then that they noticed the slightly puffy areas around his eyes and put two and two together.

_"Ichigo, you know you can talk to us. We will always be here for you."_ Ossan stated as he stood up, his voice calming and far gentler than he used with anyone other than their king. And even then, only specific moments.

The sun was still shining, and if he hadn't caught sight of the droplets cascading down the lengths of Ichigo's hair, he wouldn't have noticed the drizzling rain outside.

Ossan frowned. This… won't do. Despite outward appearances, he remembers his promise.

_'Can You understand?' _

"_Ichigo_." 

Said substitutes turned back to him with a questioning gaze.

_'How horrible it is to get rained on when you are all alone in an empty world?'_

_"You are not alone."_

_'I'll lend you whatever power you need! To prevent that from happening… I won't let one drop of rain fall from that sky!'_

_ "I…_We _are here. Whatever it is, we will not leave you. We are your power…"_

_'If you can trust me… Trust me… You are not alone in battle… Ichigo!'_

_"We have a bond; an unbreakable trust. You have not ever, and will never be alone, Ichigo."_

With this said, Ossan had a light smile on his face. Recalling the first real talk he ever had with his wielder- no. His partner.

The mist outside began to thicken, but no rain fell any longer. Ichigo smiled, one he reserved for only those close enough to discern the difference. Turning back full to Ossan, he began to speak once more.

"I know. I-"

**"Well this is depressing."**

_"SHIRO!"_

"I'm sorry. I-"

**"Blah blah blah! Can't hear you over all this self deprivation!"**

_"I think you mean self deprecation." _Ossan pointed with a sweat drop.

Ichigo frowned.

**"Oi! Don't go getting all mopey on me now, King!"**

_"Shiro."_

**"AHA! I know exactly what you need!"**

Sigh. "And what is that, Shiro?"

Shiro grinned and spread his arms wide.

**"A HUG!"**

"NO!"

Cackles rung throughout the room as Shiro (still colorful) chased after Ichigo with arms spread wide. He was determined to catch-up to the Strawberry King and thoroughly cover him paint as well.

Once they left the building, Ossan smiled. Shiro was brash, crude, angry, crazy, sarcastic and less than subtle. But deep down he meant well. After all, it was his colorful personality that made him who he was.


	7. Coffee Chaos

_Rights to Bleach belong to Tite Kubo. I do not make any money off of this. I am not fancy enough to own Walmart. Nor do I have any connection to Keurig other than the ones in my kitchen and office. Yes, I love them._

_Hey everyone! Your reviews made me so happy and I thoroughly enjoy hearing your thoughts and ideas. I know that a lot of restrictions have been released but I hope you are being responsible and staying safe! I realize its been a hot minute since I last updated anything but I'm back! I had to finish my thesis and my capstone but I'm finished with my masters now! I am officially a graduated game developer now! I hope you enjoy this chapter and more will be coming soon, including one with a special surprise for our favorite zanpakuto pair!_

————ΘΦΘ————

Speech Key:

"Speaking Normal"

'Thinking Normal'

"_Ossan Speaking"_

"_**Frustrated Ossan"**_

"**Shiro Speaking**"

————ΘΦΘ————

"_Shiro…"_

_*CRASH*_

_*BANG*_

_"Shiro…"_

_…_

_*KERTHUNK KERTHUNK BABLAM*_

_"Shiro…*sigh* no… why would you even..."_

_…_

_*SHTABLAM SHTABLAM*_

_"Shiro… why? Just why?"_

_…_

_"SHIRO! NO! GET AWAY FROM THERE!"_

_…_

_*CLANK CRASH*_

_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?"_

**"Uuuuuuuuuuuh… Whoops?"**

_"You BROKE it! How am I supposed to deal with your insatiable thirst to cause unbridled chaos through sheer idiocy now!? Especially when you wake me up at the butt crack of dawn with one of your **brilliant** plans to take over the world with nothing but super glue, silly string, gun powder and a tub of bleach?"_

**"Hey! That would have worked if you hadn't gone off at Zabimaru when they insulted your new shades!"**

_"Why did we even need disguises?! That wig was itchy and you can** not **walk in stilettos! The only reason I didn't kill you then was because I had my coffee. Which I CAN'T have NOW because you BROKE MY COFFEE POT!"_

**"That thing was ancient anyway! We can find a Walmart or something and get you a Keurig to catch you up with the rest of society!"**

_"I am quite content living away from society full of hoodlums and Zoomers. Besides, if I have to become a hipster in order drink my coffee, then was the world really worth saving?"_

**"Ok Drama Queen, chill out. You don't need to hate on the millennials because you need a special pot to brew your coffee."**

_"It's not **special**. It's **normal**. And I wouldn't need to go to Walmart and buy a new fancy coffee machine if you hadn't broken my perfectly good one!" _

**"Hey! It's fine!"**

"_You can't just say its fine and expect everything to be fine! That's not how it works!"_

**"Sure it is! I didn't pay taxes in 2016, that's okay!"**

_"What…*sigh* Shiro… *another sigh* I can't even…"_

'Shiro, you don't pay taxes. I didn't even pay taxes in 2016 because I was a minor.'

**"It's referenced, my dude."**

_"Hello, Ichigo."_

'My dude? Since when have you talked like that? Hey Ossan.'

**"My third eye was opened and I have become aware, you uncultured swine."**

'Who are you and where is my zanpakuto?'

_*SHINK* _

"Where is Shiro?"

**"I'm right here! Sheesh old man, get with the times! The times have evolved, and we need to keep up with the kids to stay relevant!"**

'No… It cant be.'

_"What have you figured out Ichigo?"_

'Shiro… Have you been watching YouTube with Keigo again?'

_"No. Please tell me it isn't true. Last time you watched it with him you were trying to do trick shots while screaming "DUDE" and attempting to bake geeky treats. We can't go through this again. I can't eat one more pile of ash disguised as a rainbow cookie."_

**"That was one time… and it's not a baking channel! Video games are harmless! Especially now that we found an arcade. You can't even hear me rage from there!"**

'Wait, you found an arcade?'

**"Oh yah! You were on a date at that dingy arcade when we found our awesome one!"**

'NOT A DATE SHIRO!'

_*Sigh*_

'What, Ossan!? It wasn't a date! We were just hanging out as friends!'

**"Just like the friendly romantic picnic you had?"**

'It wasn't romantic!'

**"So it was unintentionally romantic? Wow king you are a natural sap."**

_*Aggressive Sigh*_

'I am not a sap! The candles were just for lighting!'

**"Lighting? You needed light in the middle of the day?"**

'We were under the gazebo!'

**"Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait! You were-"**

_"ENOUGH!!!!! Would you two imbeciles SHUT UP!? FIRST, you make a ruckus swinging your blade around trying to see if you could cut a pizza in the most idiotic way possible while flinging sauce and sausage **everywhere**. THEN you MISS and DESTROY MY BLESSED COFFEE POT and **assume** that everything is **fine** when everything is definitely **not fine! **NOW you are arguing with Ichigo about something as trivial as his crush on__-"_

'I don't have a crush!'

_"And that's another thing! Your blatant denial of something so obvious! Everything is falling apart at the seams! You being an imbecile, him being an idiot, and **I DON'T HAVE COFFEE!"**_

**"Dude, chill."**

_"I HAVE NO CHILL!"_

_*sigh*_ 'Ok ok. We will get you a new coffee pot. Whichever one you want, its yours. In fact, the Keurigs are pretty cool.'

_"NO! FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT A HIPSTER_!"

'What?'

**"Don't ask."**


End file.
